Monday, November 13, 2006

I'm still here.....well....part of me, I guess.

I know I've been away for a while. Thank you to all who have sent your well wishes. I'm still here. I guess the only word to describe what's happening with me is "preoccupied". I'm dealing with a life changing event. I've found myself in a place that I know my Lord has not led me. Yet here I am....on a path that he never intended for me. Sometimes, I guess we trod a well beaten path that we just tell ourselves must be within God's will, only to find out that we have been deceived by our very own devices.

Divorce is an ugly thing. It's painful. It's exhausting. It always happens to someone else, right? Well, not this time. 16 years have come to an abrupt end and I've become a single dad. Everyone is in shock. The feeling in the air is akin to having a loved one die. The grief is similar...the heartbreak just as painful. It's all so surreal. I keep expecting to wake up. My children will remain with me and I will have full custody. For that I'm very grateful yet of that very thing, I'm also terrified. Responsibility that was once shared will now fall squarely on my shoulders. I've failed at marriage. I just pray I don't fail at being a single parent.

I've made some pretty good friends here. Some of you, it seems, know and understand me better than people who see my face every day. Some of you recognize the difference between the tough exterior and the softer more sensitive interior. Those who do, know who you are. I'll be back when I learn exactly who this is going to change me into. I'd like to think that I'll be the same person when all is said and done....but somehow, I doubt it. For those of you who believe in the power of prayer, please pray for my children. Pray for me, and pray for my wife (I'm afraid the road she's chosen will only lead to a place where the grass is just, in fact, not greener). I'm still here....Thank you all for being there.