Friday, May 19, 2006

Just three easy payments!

Curse the Ionic Breeze Quadra! Curse it to the basement of hell! I hate that freakin' commercial. I hate it! I cannot watch anything......ANYTHING on any channel without seeing that stinkin' 5 minute long commercial! While I'm at it...curse the sumbitch who came up with the infomercial.

I'm home alone tonight and decided to take advantage of the silence to watch back to back episodes of "Firepower" on the Military Channel. During one 30 minute episode, I saw that nauseating commercial 3 times. Yeah, that math is easy...15 minutes of commercial in 30 minutes of television. So I turn to the History Channel....damn...a Bowflex infomercial. Next channel, Discovery.....what the??...Ablounger?!! Gimme a break! How 'bout the National Geographic Channel...Video Professor.....NOOOOO! Screw it...I'll just watch the news......arrrgggghhh......OXYCLEAN!! I'm gonna shoot something! All I want to do is relax and take in a little television. Watch some high tech military hardware blow stuff up. I need it! It's my own zen garden, OK? It's not too much to ask. Instead I'm bombarded with seemingly continuous marketing and advertising of an overpriced piece of plastic that promises me health and happiness for just three easy payments!

Superdetergents guaranteed to scrub the stink off of shit! Εxercise equipment guaranteed to give you rock hard abs and make a 55 year old woman look 25...just seven minutes a day! Diet pills...who needs that exercise equipment? This'll drop 150 lbs off yer lard ass! Air purifiers guaranteed to take the funk and dirt right out of your funky dirty house! Wonder mop guaranteed to.....well...MOP...better than any other....mop. Act now and we'll send you not just one piece of shit for your hard earned money, but you can be the proud owner of TWO...that's right, ladies and gentlemen...TWO piece of shit plastic freakin' mops! A $40 value for just ten bucks. We don't care about the other $30, just take our word for're gettin' something for nothing. All of these wonderful miraculous products are so damned can't even find them in the store.

Corona and Lunesta time...Take me away.