Sunday, February 04, 2007

The just keeps turning.

You know, it’s kind of strange. I’ve learned this lesson over and over again. But then again, perhaps I’ve never really learned it at all. Perhaps I’ve merely loosely grabbed the concept here and there when some life changing event takes place. Then along comes time. Healing takes place, and memories fade into pictures that aren’t quite so sharply focused. Life just keeps going…doesn’t it? The world turns, people go on with their daily regimens, the sun rises and sets and you either continue to walk through life or you get drug through it because no matter what….life goes on. Me?? Well, I guess I’ve been getting drug through this ordeal and have not been making an effort to keep up with life’s constant pace.

I have friends here…true friends... friends who care. Just as pathetic as refusing to get up and walk through whatever dark valley that lies in your path is shutting out those who have proven that they really do care about you. To my friends here (you know who you are), I am truly sorry. I guess I come from a school of thought that doesn’t want to burden others with my problems. If I can’t be a productive member of something positive, I’ve historically chosen not to participate.

But this is MY forum isn’t it? I mean this “place” (I almost think of it as a physical place…a padlocked room in my house into which only I can enter.) is an extension of my true self, right? It’s supposed to be the place where I’m unafraid to show my true colors. A safe place where feelings are expressed and opinions are hoisted up a very LARGE (no…I’m not compensating) flagpole. A room where I can just be me, devoid of the facades that we’ve all been forced to build just to get through the day without “offending” another. I guess I failed to realize that THIS PLACE is probably where I should retreat to heal.

You folks know me pretty well. You see me in all my informal glory. Who better to share my hell with? Hope, your last comment hurt, but thank you….really….people aren’t as honest with me in my physical world as they are here in my cyber world. You were my first cyber pal and I hadn’t realized that, subconsciously, I had “dumped” (to use your terminology) what were truly some of the most realistic and consistent friends that I have…friends who aren’t afraid to be honest with me…friends who aren’t afraid to disagree with me and often do….friends who are listed on the right hand column of this web page…friends like, PJ who has sent several uplifting emails (Thanks buddy).

So here I am, right back in my own little place….as if it’s newly discovered all over again. To those of you who’ve remained…please forgive me….and Thank You…from the bottom of my scarred little heart!